A new book called "The Genius of Shakespeare" claims that as a psychologist Shakespeare was way ahead of Freud and knew far more about the human heart than he did.
But however good a psychologist he was, what kind of psychiatrist would Shakespeare have made?
It's all very well writing great dramatic masterpieces which explore the human condition, but sorting out a patient with a real live problem is a slightly different kettle of fish, as this scenario shows…
SHAKESPEARE (opening door)
Come in, come in and make yourself at home.
Your coat can go up there, and here your hat.
And you can lie down on the couch just here.
That's good. Now, sir, you have an appointed time?
MACBETH
Aye, that I do, at eleven of the clock,
The hour at which you fixed to sort me out.
SHAKESPEARE
And you are punctuality itself.
Sit down, good sir, and tell me, please, thy name.
MACBETH
My name? It is Macbeth.
SHAKESPEARE
Just that? No other names?
MACBETH
No, no. That is my name, for better or for worse.
SHAKESPEARE
A family name, perchance? Or is it one
That comes familiarly first?
Surname or forename? Are you Mr Macbeth?
Or is Macbeth your Christian, given name?
MACBETH
None of these. My name is King Macbeth.
SHAKESPEARE
How very nice for you! And king of where?
MACBETH
The King of Scotland, won by force of arms,
As the three witches did foretell to me.
SHAKESPEARE
Ah ha! So you see witches, do you? Well, well, well!
And tell me, King Macbeth, what do they say?
MACBETH
That I shall be the king.
And so you are!
What splendid witches you have got and no mistake!
They seem to know a lot, these witches that you see.
So, was the throne inherited?
MACBETH
No, ta'en by force
From Duncan, king before me, who was slain.
SHAKESPEARE
By you?
MACBETH
Yes, yes, by me. Well, not by me. My wife.
My wife it was who struck the fatal blow,
And streaked the sentries' faces with his blood.
No, come to think, it could not be my wife,
As she was quite reminded of her father' s face
While bent upon the murder of King Duncan,
And could not strike the fatal blow, so I
Was forced to do it while she hid her face...
SHAKESPEARE
Quite so. Do you see witches still these days?
MACBETH
When they have something solemn to impart.
SHAKESPEARE
Alone? Or do you have a witness of these meetings?
MACBETH
Yes, yes - brave Banquo saw them too with me!
SHAKESPEARE
And he would bear this out, would he?
MACBETH
Alas, he's dead. I brought about his death,
For much I feared that he would take my throne.
SHAKESPEARE
I see...Well, to sum up. You are convinced
That you are King of Scotland, on the throne.
You have a wife who murders everyone
Who stands between yourself and high-born power.
From time to time you meet three lady witches
Who tell you what will happen next to you.
The only witness, sadly, you have slain.
Is that about the length and breadth of it?
MACBETH
Oh, sir, how well you sum these matters up!
So, what think you? Can I be fully cured?
SHAKESPEARE
No doubt of it. Come back another time
And we shall talk about your Mum and Dad.
Exit Macbeth. Shakespeare rubs his hands.
This man is barking mad, and yet his tale
Will make a five act drama. I'll not fail
To dramatise his dream life for the stage.
My play "Macbeth" will soon be all the rage!
A pot falls off the table and breaks.
Ah ha! "Macbeth" brings bad luck when 'tis said.
I think I'll say "the Scottish play " instead…
END
The Independent Tuesday Nov 11 1997