I have been handed a leaked copy of the draft discussion document, which is intended to help bring about a permanent ceasefire in the Cabinet.
It makes fascinating reading.
As you know, the Cabinet has been divided for many years between those who believe in a united Europe and those who believe that any move towards union will betray our nationhood.
Those who believe that our destiny lies at the heart of the Europe, and those who believe that it will be a whole lot more fun to go it on our own.
The strife within the Cabinet has led to many lethal resignations and fatalities over the years, as well as injury to innocent bystanders.
The battle has also spilled over into the public domain, with Cabinet ministers and ex-Cabinet ministers attempting to shoot each other's arguments full of holes, blow each other out of the water, nail each other down and even go for the jugular.
It has been known for some time that the Prime Minister could not let the violence continue.
However, the Prime Minister has let it continue.
Now he has finally got to do something about it.
But what?
Well, a peace process always seems to do the trick.
And that is exactly what he is engaged in doing.
A peace process may not bring peace, but it sounds as if it brings peace, and that is the main thing.
For some time the Prime Minister has been planning a Cabinet peace initiative, which would install an immediate ceasefire within the Cabinet and establish a framework for productive peace talks, etc etc.
Now, the vital draft discussion document has come into my hands, and it shows that the Prime Minister means business.
It is a tough, urgent document, written in short thrusting paragraphs, which show that the author of the document wishes to be thought of as a tough, urgent, thrusting sort of chap.
It certainly has had a deleterious effect on my prose style, reading this war communique from our own Prime Minister.
Oh, yes.
I think deleterious is the word.
But that is another matter...
The document is headed:
"To all members of my Cabinet.
"I think you know what this is all about.
"Oh, yes, you do.
"I have told you often enough.
"Especially you, Kenneth.
"But just in case none of you were listening on any occasion, I'll spell it out all over again.
"1. We are hopelessly divided over the whole European question.
"2. There seems to be no prospect of our overcoming the historical wounds and divisions which have traditionally divided this great Cabinet of ours into two opposing factions.
"3. But at least we are agreed on one thing.
"4. We must not let our divisions be seen by the outside world.
"5. Because then the whole Tory party would start to fall apart, and we would be blown out of office, and although that might not be a bad thing for the country as a whole, there is a chance that not all of us might get well-paid consultancy posts in the City after our fall from power, and that is not a chance we can reasonably be expected to take.
"6. Therefore, please, please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do not go around writing articles and making speeches and giving interviews in which you publicly criticise things said by other members of the Cabinet in their articles, interviews and speeches, as I am sick to death of going on TV and being asked to explain why you are all saying different things and giving out different signals.
"7. I beg of you not to do this. "
"8. This is an order.
"9. While we are at it, could you please Please PLEASE not use words like hegemony and nationhood and sovereignty. It makes people feel nervous. It certainly makes me feel nervous. "
"10. It would also be very helpful if you would all please please please stop making references to the last War. The Second World War is now officially over! We all knew it would be a difficult five year period during which we all celebrated the fiftieth anniversary of the various events in World War II, in which, sadly, our friends Germany and us found ourselves on different sides, but that is now almost over, as 1995 is, let me see, yes fifty years since the end of the War, so thank goodness we are now out in the clear and about to celebrate the great events of peace such as the crushing defeat the Tories suffered in the first post-war election - no, as you were, there must have been something else worth celebrating, perhaps you could let me have a list.
"11. Please try not to leak this document without clearing it with me first."
The Independent Monday Feb 20 1995